Darth Vader Leads UK Funeral Procession

In other Star Wars news, 56-year old grandmother Lorna Johnson passed away due to lung cancer last month and her funeral procession was lead by none other than Darth Vader himself!

Now, my sources don’t have a lot of information on Mrs. Johnson, suffice to say that she must have been a high ranking officer of the Empirial fleet to have such an important figure participate in her funeral. Oh, no wait, I am getting the report in now…yes…OK, but- …alright then. It seems that Star Wars is not actually real and the man dressed as Darth Vader is funeral director, Brett Houghton.

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The send off was organized by Lorna’s family, who said she loved Halloween and referred to herself as a ‘White Witch’ and -wait does that mean White Walkers aren’t real either? Is winter even coming?!?!

“My mum’s favourite time of year was Halloween,” son Neil Johnson told the Guardian. She always “said you need to celebrate, you need to have a party. So we’re not going to sit around feeling sorry for ourselves. My mum wouldn’t want that.”

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Seriously though I think this is pretty awesome, you got Vader leading the ceremony with Beetlejuice, witches, I bet a Spartan-II would have looked right at home there. When I go out I definitely want the 405th to give me a 21 BR salute, with the chief reading my eulogy, and then blue team carrying my coffin! …I may be too excited for my own funeral.

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Sauce